From The Beginning...

This may be long, but here is my story from the beginning:

We began trying to have a baby after we had been married for one year. Once 6 months went by I decided to visit with my doctor. She really did'nt have much to say. We did blood work and they found that I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which basically means I don’t ovulate. So after one year, started with a new dr.. She put me on clomid and said, if I don’t get pregnant after three months on clomid she would recommend a fertility specialist. Well, it was the third month and she had been doing her normal ultrasounds to see if my eggs were the right size and all that. After leaving her office (during ovulation time) she was not hopeful, she didn’t think I would be ovulating that month. Well, I guess because I wasn’t expecting it, I didn’t see it coming. But I did get pregnant!!!! It finally worked, I couldn't believe it. I was in the country with Cody and my in-laws when I found out. I had dreamed of what that would look like to see a positive pregnancy test and how I would react, I couldn’t believe it was happening, finally after a year and a half. I went in 2 weeks later for my first ultrasound and saw the nurse practitioner. She said the baby looked small but come back next week. We just thought that I counted wrong with the calendar or something, I did not in any way think it as a miscarriage. But the next week when I went in; this time with the dr., the baby didn’t grow at all, it was only measuring 5 ½ weeks, which I should have been 6 ½ weeks. What a glorious 3 weeks I had while I thought things were great, but after hearing that news, I just about died. There I was with the dr. and Cody was not with me and I balled like a baby. Never saw that coming. Doctor’s don’t really know, unless testing is done, but it was said to be a chromosome problem. I actually was at least glad I got pregnant in the first place. I at least knew my body was able to get pregnant. I recovered from that fist miscarriage pretty well, I might say. I think I was just more hopeful and ready to try clomid again. Surly it would happen again if it happened once, right?

Wrong….three more months on clomid again and no pregnancy this time. So after the third failed month, in September, we went to see a Reproductive Endocrinologist. She began me with injections and IUI (intrauterine insemination). I had to give myself shots for about 8 days in the stomach and I would go in every other day for about a week so they can do ultrasounds and blood work to make sure I am producing good size eggs and that my hormone levels are good. Then when they think I am ovulating, they have me come in for the IUI. Then 2 weeks from that day I go in again for a pregnancy test. The first time I did this was in Oct./Nov. of '06 and it was on a Sunday. As soon as I got into the car after church, the nurse called me with my results. I couldn’t believe it, it worked, I was pregnant!!! But somewhere in the next 2 weeks, actually it was Wednesday before Thanksgiving and we were about to go to Dallas for the holiday, I woke up about 6:00 in the morning just balling. I felt like I was miscarrying. By breasts weren’t as sore as normal and I just had a horrible feeling. I went in the following Tuesday after Thanksgiving weekend for my first ultrasound and they said the baby was small but to come in next week. I knew what that meant, I had heard that before. I couldn’t believe it… a miscarriage again?? I had to wait, then that next week, she still couldn’t confirm it, the baby had grown some but not enough, I had to wait one more week for a third ultrasound and for blood work for them to confirm it was a miscarriage. Since Cody and I knew this was probably going to happen we planned a getaway to San Antonio immediately after the doctor’s appointment. But once I got back from San Antonio, it all hit me, and hard.

Once January came around and my first period came since the miscarriage we were ready to do our 2nd IUI. Surely it will work again...nope. I thought for sure it would work, and I really felt like I was pregnant, so I didn't really think about what I would do if it didn't. My period came on a Friday and when you start the injections you have to start them on day 3 only, of your cycle. And the medicine I get had to be ordered and mailed to me over night. So if I was going to do another IUI in February I had to decide that afternoon so I could start the injections on Sunday. I was very stressed about having to make this decision. I was first of all really sad that the IUI and all that goes along with it was a waist and that my period came and I was not pregnant and second of all I had to make a quick decision about this, not cheap, procedure. I have always been very anxious and never wanted to waist or skip any month. I knew if I didn't do the 3rd IUI that month I would have to wait a whole nother month for the next cycle. Cody and I decided to go for it. I had a lot going on that month, we were going to be heading to Las Vegas for a work convention and other things, so I thought being busy would make the month go fast. Well, I think that was a poor way of thinking. Because I was so busy and already emotional from the December miscarriage, the January failed IUI, and the current injections; I was extremely stressed and weary. So of course the February IUI did not work either.

Because so much happened in these past 3 months, once I knew the 3rd IUI didn't work, I was absolutely devastated, weary, spent and frustrated. Now what do we do...I was at the end of my rope. I had a breakdown. This was the very first time I WANTED to take a break, to wait, to skip a few months. Sure we would continue to try on our own, but no more IUI's. No more shots for me thanks, no more dr. visits, no more ultrasounds, no more needles, NO MORE EXSPENSIVE FAILURES. I was ready to go overseas and adopted any baby available....ok... on the realistic side, Cody and I just wanted a break. So we spend a few months praying for God's directions. Does He want us to continue throwing our money away at IUI's that probably won't work, does He want us to do IVF, or does He want us to put our money toward adoption???? We had no idea, but that's why we prayed and asked our close friends and family for prayer too.

Well, I heard from someone else that went to an infertility acupunctureist while doing an IVF cycle and she got pregnant. I looked into acupuncture, I was not quite sure about it, but the more I read about it, it sounded good. It was just a more natural way to get my body on track and healthy. Maybe, just maybe it could help me. So I did this for the 3 months that we took a break from fertility treatment. The fourth month, in June/July of '07 we decided to do one more IUI (with acupuncture), and if this didn't work, then we would pursue adoption. I actually was ready to adopt then, but Cody felt that we should try one more time. With prayer, we knew that we should do this together. My best friend, Lindsay, her mother once told me that if you are not sure what step God wants you to take, just take the step you think you should take and if God doesn't want you to go that route He will close the door, if He does, than He will open it. I loved that advise and it has really helped me in all these situations. We knew that if this last IUI didn't work than that was God telling us to adopt...It didn't work, so adoption here we come...


I say that like it was easy or something, but believe me, none of this has been easy. None of it. And none of it came without lots of crying, emotions, confusion, frustration, and prayer.