This last day of 2008 marks exactly 48 months of Cody and I trying to have a baby. We started trying in January of 2005; we even bought a Toyota, Sequoia that month expecting to fill it up with kiddos. But instead it's just been me and my music driving around Houston for four years. Great car though by the way. And our four bedroom house is still half empty and quiet in the night. No doubt we've been ready to start a family. Instead...Cody and I have gone on many awesome vacations, we've meet some really great friends, I've meet other infertility women that I now call friends, we've stayed up late watching our TiVo favorites, and slept in most anytime we wanted. We began teaching 7th and 8th graders on Sunday mornings, Cody became a Decan, and we've spent some of our Friday and Saturday nights with youth group kids. Most of these things probably wouldn't have happened otherwise. I know God allows everything to happen for a reason. Even the pain, sorrow, and heavy heart that comes with infertility and miscarriages God allowed to happen for a reason. I may not know why until I actually have kids or I may never know why. I sometimes find myself in shock that I STILL am childless after all this time. I never would have thought. But I can't dwell on those thoughts, as easy as it is to.
Today may be a sad day...but 2009 is a NEW year. Tomorrow...is a new day, and the day after that, and the day after that day. I'll admit, when my spirit is down, hope seems far away, but honestly, God won't let me give up. He tugs on me to hang on tight, pray continuously, and wait for His great plan to unfold. Maybe 2009 will be the year my car and house will finally fill up!
1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
Eph. 6:18
...pray at all times...
Psalm 40:1-3
"I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a NEW SONG in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord."
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3 comments:
What great hope there is in your words. We continue to pray with you, and know our God is faithful. What a day of rejoicing we have to look forward to!
This time last year, I was feeling and experiencing the same things. God's timing is perfect! I know it's easier to say than to believe, but believe it! God is always working. He will fulfill the desires of your heart, for He placed them there. Here's to 2009 ~ may it be full of miracles and blessings for you both! Courtney (p.s. my blog is now private, due to security issues, so if you'd like to keep reading, send me an email at court_thompson1@yahoo.com and I will add you to the list. I don't have your email).
Hello. My name is Laura DeBellas and I found your blog online. Your blog really spoke to me. My husband and I have unexplained infertility. Beyond all of that I drive a station wagon (that is suprisingly dying, possibly an omen), you drive a Sequoia. My husband became a deacon at our church last year also. I understand totally how all of this can make you feel. I swear if I hear one more person announce a pregnancy or tell me I am a perfect person for adoption I will scream. I am praying for y'all and I love your blog. My blog is www.jamieandlaurasonesie.blogspot.com
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